Why i cannot do Friendship...
Because I wouldn't know how to be your friend when we didn't start as friends.
because every time i'd ask you to do something and you can't, i'd get hurt.
because i still have the same feelings for you after all that we have said and done.
because i cannot be around you and not want to touch you the same way.
because I'd expect more out of that friendship.
because i was happy with what we HAD.
because i might fall in love with you all over again.
because i care about you too much.
because i want you to need me, to want me.
because friendship will give me false hopes about the future
because frienship just means that I can never be your Ms. Right Now or even your Ms. Right.
because when I met you, I started doing the things I never did for my Exs but I still screwed it up.
Because I cannot tell you I love you without ruining the friendship.
because being your friend means I failed to be a girlfriend you can keep forever.
because with you I failed.
Things I never told you...
- Remember the day you decided to tell me that you are in a relationship? We were at that bar with I**. I knew what you were going to tell me before you said it. In my mind, I was to get up go to my car and drive away. I ended up staying. I ended up kissing you instead and telling you I was staying because i like you too much to let you go. I stayed because after a really long time of heartache from previous relationships you made me happy. YOU MADE ME HAPPY. After the longest time, someone came and made me wake up in a smile and made me feel that I am worth being with.
- The day diddy died you showed me how much you can share yourself with me. Sobrang na-appreciate ko na you chose to be with me nung time na yon. I saw kung gaano ka ka-willing ibigay ang sarili mo sa relationship but you held back. Ibig sabihin hindi pa buo ang binibigay mo saken nao-overwhelm ako, sobra akong looking forward sa time na gugustuhin mo nang ibigay ang lahat.. nai-share ang sarili mo sken.
- The day that you returned my stuff we talked about T*****. You told me how you met her and some bits and pieces of your relationship. Alam mo nung kinekwento mo yun sa akin you had that look na ibang iba. Sobrang gustong gusto ko nang umiyak sa harap mo dahil nakita ko kung pano at gaano mo siya kamahal. You had that look na parang wala ka sa harap ko, na andun ka sa moment na ikinekwento mo. Sa totoo lang, sobrang nafeel ko kung gaano ka pa ka-attached sa kanya. You love her so much it shows. Winiwish ko nga n asana pag ikinikwento mo ako sa friends mo you also have that look na parang gusto mo andun ako sa tabi mo at that same moment. Sobra mo siyang mahal XX nakakainggit. I saw it.
- I've started loving you the day I chose to stay.
Things I need answers for...
** You can answer this now or later or a few days, weeks from now. Basta kung pwede lang paki sagot kasi I NEED to know the real deal.
- Love mo ba ako? Or Ni-love ever na hindi as friend?
- Niregret mo ba na hindi natin inayos or na sinabi mo sa akin na friends na lang tyo?
- Ano ba talaga ang mga reason kung bakit ayaw mo na sa akin or you don't want it back?
- Pag nagging friends ba tayo eh may chance pang maging relationship siya?
- Bakit mo palaging sinasabi sa akin na you don't deserve me? Hindi ka ba thankful na andito ako ngayon para syo?
- Sa tingin mo ba pag minahal mo ko sasaktan din kita tulad nilang lahat?
X,
Even if we end up not talking you know I'd always be here. I'd share your pains if no one will listen, I'll sit beside you when you need someone there, I'll help out when you ask. It doesn't stop here you know. I'm thankful you came around. I'm here and you should know that all you need to do is ask and I'll be there. Even if I tell you I cannot be your friend you know I can't stay away. We shared really great times and that counts as something in my life. Answer my questions lang and tell me this is the end na talaga of any love-related relationship for now and in the future (kung yon talaga) and I'd end this feeling. Then we'd start fresh. We'd start over.
Love,
XoXo
